This is to all who ask these questions:
1) Don't you like children?
2) Are you going to have kids?
3) When are you going to have kids?
When ever I meet some one knew and we are starting to get to know each other, usually those questions pop either verbally or mentally. Well I need to get this off my chest and maybe even print it out and hand to every new friend I make.
Yes CJ and I want children and once you get to know me you will find that I love children and if you let me close enough I may end up steeling your kids. LOL! We have been trying for three years and have been working with doctors to find out what is going on and how to control it.
Well after switching doctors cause of the life change, we have found that I am the sole purpose of our troubles and that the doctor has started me on Letrozole to help me ovulate.
Letrozole is a medication usually used for breast cancer patients but they have found it also helps women with Poly-Cystic Ovaries. It is like Clomid, but with less side effects and a smaller chance of multiples. The doctor will try this for the next six months and then we will take some more invasive actions. Keep our fingers crossed and prayers said it wont take that long.
This has been a very touchy subject for me for a while and it has been made harder as siblings get pregnant and more friends are pregnant than not.
How do I handle it? Who knows ? I keep a journal and I try to express it to CJ, but other than that I keep it under wraps.
I know when I talk to people about this they become apologetic and they all have the same comment "It will be your turn and your time, Heavenly Father has a plan." I know they just aren't sure what to say, and I am thankful, but if you read this don't post that, I know this info and trust me I am in constant contact with HF and we have an understanding.
I am thankful that I have been given the chance to learn patience and realize that there are so many things in life I can't control and wont be able to control. I am blessed for a supportive husband and family who try their best to understand our situation and I hope they know I love them a bunch.
Ok my ranting is done! Thanks for listening!
5 comments:
love ya girl. I know you'll be a fantastic mother and appreciate it more than most.
MMWWAH!!!!!
BIG Kisses to you! I miss you Nikki. You are on my list of the strongest women I know. LOVE YOU!
Nikki I just want you to know that I have been where you are. I have felt what you have felt. PLEASE if you ever need to vent call me!!! I know how annoying the comments are and how exhausting it is to hear them over and over by people that just dont get it. I agree with the previous commenter about the fact that when you do have kids you will appreciate them on a whole other level;) trust me;) BUT until then hang in there and never give up. Keep your communication open with the Lord so that he can show you the little miracles and lessons he is teaching you along the way;) Your situation will not change but you will be changed in your heart because of it. It's a journey well worth it!!
We love you ~ we are SO grateful YOU are a part of our lives... We know what great parents you and CJ will be. Never be afraid to say what you ARE feeling and know that we truly do understand this is the hardest thing you may ever do. [Even PS isn't as hard, right?]
Been there...done that...got the t-shirt, right? First off...PLEASE make sure you don't blame yourself. You are not defective...but it sure is hard accepting the will of our Father instead of just deciding and easily getting pregnant. Reminds me of the movie "The Cutting Edge"...(lame, I know) where the coach explains that he is at the bottom of the barrel and doesn't know what to do. I felt that way sooo many times and I am sure you do too. Completely sux, doesn't it? Don't be afraid to say it. Here is a favorite saying:
"When in doubt,
run in circles scream and shout...
then pray"
I know it is difficult, but try your best (as I know you are!) to just love your current experiences. Like everything it does pass. No matter what it is.
My favorite thing was to scream into a pillow.
Love Ya!!!
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